Isn’t it funny how when our children are growing up, in their toddler years, you hear your self saying a lot, “Mommy, can help you, but I want you to try to do it your self, you’re getting to be a big girl now” or “you are going to start school soon, you have to be able to do this by your self”. And isn’t it funny how the one thing you’ve said a million times to your children, is now the one thing that makes you want to shove your face into a box of tissues? Because here’s the thing, now that Kiley is about to start Kindergarten, I don’t want her to do it her self. I want to go along for the ride with her, I want to sit in her classroom tomorrow with her, but in reality I can’t.
Tomorrow morning, Kiley is going to step on that big bright yellow school bus for the first time by her self. And it’s scares me and it terrifies me, because it’s the first step of the rest of her life, that she really starts needing me less and less. And granted, this is a big step of many first for her, and I know she will always need me, it’s just a different kind of need now. She’s a big 5-year-old now. Miss. Independent. It’s hard to believe when her book bag is bigger then her!
For the last 2 years of her life when she started nursery school, I was the one to walk her into school, I hung up her book bag every morning. I was the one to pick her up from school and bring her home. I was the one to feed her lunch. I was the one to read her a book before nap time. Tomorrow, she’s all alone to do it her self, and I know deep down inside that she will have no issue doing anything by her self, it’s just her nature to be a strong little lady.
I remember those sleepless nights, early on and hard days, when Chris and I would always say to one another, this won’t last for long(by the way) thanks Darius Rucker for those amazing lyrics. It doesn’t last for long, it feels like yesterday I decided to be a stay at home mom and no longer a Kindergarten teacher so that I could be home with her everyday. But tomorrow, already, I walk her down our driveway to the bus stop.
It was only yesterday she needed me to help her eat her breakfast, it was only yesterday that she needed me to pick out her outfits(she already has her dress to her toes picked out for tomorrow), it was only yesterday that I had to hold her hand to help her walk, but tomorrow she faces this world all on her own. And I have all the faith in the world in her that she will amazing.
Earlier tonight we were shopping at Target for some last-minute school items and she grabbed my hand, something she doesn’t do quite as often anymore because she’s usually ahead of me and it was like she was silently remiding me that no matter how big she gets, her hand will always fit perfectly inside of mine.
So remember, when you are in your driveway with your sunglasses on shading those tears, watching your little kindergartener get on that bus, that you aren’t alone, I’m right there with you wanting to follow that bus and every move she makes that first day of school.